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deathbymorning:

eggsnogging:

in my senior drama class i had to play gordon ramsay for a film project but we could only film in school so we had to try to find a closed off room to use. the thing is the room wasn’t exactly soundproof and apparently someone heard us and that’s the story of how the vice principal and four freshmen walked in on me wearing a chef’s hat and yelling at my friend because her squid was so raw i could still hear it telling spongebob to fuck off

did you get an A

(Source: meachey)

blxckbiird:

spaghetti-western-wannabe:

blxckbiird:

spaghetti-western-wannabe:

blxckbiird:

spaghetti-western-wannabe:

blxckbiird:

spaghetti-western-wannabe:

So I can either bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or 4,000 degrees for 1 minute.

nick nO THAT’S NOT HOW YOU BAKE COOKIES FRIEND

FLOOR IT?

NICK NO

HOW ABOUT 4,000,000 DEGREES FOR 1 SECOND

NICK YOU ARE GOING TO BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN

I’M GOING TO HARNESS THE FUCKING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES

NICK P L E A S E

chekhov:

somefagonyourdash:

humorking:

SO IM AT THE BUS STATION AND THIS GIRL TAPS MY SHOULDER AND SHES LIKE “are you the guy from tumblr?” AND IM LIKE “i guess” AND SHES LIKE “i follow your blog and my boyfriend *points at him* saw your selfie page and he said he would fuck you” I LAUGHED SO HARD AND SAID “thanks man means a lot” AND HE JUST SAID “no homo cutie” THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER I LOVE YOU GUYS

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I CANTBREATH

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